Lost. I feel lost. Why? Why have I lost myself again? I made so many promises to myself before I came to uni. I promised that I would try to take care of myself better, study harder, participate in extra curriculars, not skip class, etc. Though hugging Jerry does make me feel safe and loved, and make the problems go away...This is all temporary. I've lost myself. I skip too many classes...weeks. When was the last time I went to afm 101? Last week? Two weeks ago? I joined so many clubs but didn't go to any of the events. To an outsider, it just sounds like I have bad time management. But the truth is, really...I've lost myself. Perhaps it's because of my illness. My illness caused me to skip so many classes; I went through weeks of pain. I felt like shit. I missed Toronto, the safe and healthy haven of my Toronto home. I missed how quickly my family would come to my rescue when I was sick back then. I feel like I have amnesia. I don't really remember anything. Now that I am FINALLY okay, not sick, and a bit healthier, it feels like I just awoke from a long horrible nightmare. I feel disgusted at some of the things I did. How could I have skipped so many classes? How could I have wasted so much time? I slept so much trying to recuperate that it backfired and caused even more loads of work to pile up. I want to wake up from this nightmare of a life. I didn't work hard enough for the afm 131 exam. It doesn't hurt for some reason, even though I know it SHOULD hurt. It's not like I could've done any better if I were to retake it. There was too little time. My sickness just drains my energy that even if I got 10 hours of sleep, I need to sleep more. I spent the shittiest days of my life at Waterloo, and also the best. I don't want to be lost in life anymore. It's not too late to keep trying. Please God, I know I haven't been to church for years, but...listen to my plead because I don't know what I'm doing anymore. What am I doing at Waterloo? I'm already zoning out in life that Jerry has to repeat his questions twice. Haha, if only my past could repeat twice. - cath | 
