EXAMS ARE OVER!

EXAMS ARE FINALLY

OVER!!!!!

Today is my first full day of freedom :).

Shopping, friends, movies, family time, and dramas...here I COME!!!!!

- cath

O, and my webcam did something so weird yesterday... It made me glow

Wheee!

YAY! MY 3 MOST HATED CLASSES ARE OVER!!!!! LEGAL STUDIES (I liked the stuff, but...omfg, cramming was a PAIN in the ass), AFM 131 (just happened today, it wasn't as hard as I thought but I don't wanna overestimate myself) and ECON 101 (SO GLAD, THAT IS OVER! I HATE HATE HATE THAT CLASS!).

Today, right now, I am just  relaxing. I did not realize how fucking tired I was until I told Jerry, "I'm gonna sleep for 30 minutes, wake me up at 6:30" and then I never woke up till 9pm - WHICH IS ALL HIS FAULT CUZ HE DIDN'T EVEN WAKE ME UP! He cannot multitask very well. Anyways, I've been relaxing, watching videos (TEE HEE CHRISTINE!) and just enjoying my 10 minutes of freedom until I study for my other exams on Thursday and Saturday.

After this semester, I realized how much kinda I took some classes for granted (except for econ). I was already bitching and complaining about LS 101 and AFM 131, what am I going to do in my SECOND YEAR! Lol, I'm going to every class and I'm going to work harder next semester. I've got a good taste of what WATERLOO university is like, and my piece of advice is: not go too hard on yourself. It's not easy to get what you got back in high school (I got 90's, and high 80's) and here at Waterloo, an 80 is pretty good lol (well, unless you get that at what you're majoring in and what you've already studied back in high school... hmmm.... then...uhhhh).

Anyways, I'm going to post some videos up! OF ME AND LEE!

Catherine & Christine - Because I'm Stupid (Original by Hyung Joong)

- Cath

Love hurts

Ever since that night, I've always been scared to see him annoyed or angry. I realize now that love hurts. Annoying him or upsetting him...there was a time when I didn't feel like running away whenever it happened...but now, whenever it does happen - even if he's just 10% annoyed - I just get flashbacks of that night, then I would feel like crying and run away. All I would want to do is think of any lame excuse to not be in the same room for a while...just a short while...to just be alone. I want to say "I want to be alone for a minute", but if I say that it seems...just not the right thing to say.

Though I suspect he probably could guess what I was thinking, it's a different when one says it directly...

I really really wish that night didn't happen. Ever since then I just couldn't...see him the same way again whenever a bad situation comes along... It makes me want to coward, become a little girl wanting to hold her mommy's hand, and run away crying.

It sounds horrible, and I feel horrible for saying it. Maybe xanga's the wrong place to say this but whatever, it's my blog anyways.

I feel a bit lighter now, but all I want right now is, to stop feeling like crying everytime I see him get annoyed...or angry.

Lol, I make it sound like he did something really horrible, but he didn't. I was just caught off guard, and in shock for some time. I shouldn't run away from my problems, and he's not even a problem, so I don't really understand what this is right now.

Ugh, I just hope it goes away. I don't want to be scared of him anymore...

- cath

Life now

Hey! TODAY'S FRIDAY! Yay happy 2 month anniversary lol, though it feels like forever. BUT NONETHELESS, YAYYYYY, I loveee you Jerry. LOL, you're never gonna be able to find this xanga muhahaha. I hope...

Anyways, life now. I AM A MAJOR SKIPPER. I swear in my past life, I must have been a kid who played hopskotch a lot or something because I haven't been to AFM 101 since like midterm and im like 6 chapters behind. But I'm not too worried yet. I'm more worried for psych, ECON, LEGAL STUDIES, and AFM 131. I haven't been to psych for...a very...very long time, but anyways, I'm still doing ites... If I can't a 90 on the next exam, my final mark will be pretty high.

I've become lazy. Well lazIER. I keep putting things off, even though I have such high goals for myself, I'm such a bad person at initiating things. I guess old habits die hard.

Having a sleepover tomorrow, I can't wait. I'm glad they invited me because I haven't really had the time to chat with them lately, or with lots of my friends, so having some girly time before final exams start is a good thing.

This is a weird thing to say but tonight will be first night in a long time that I'm going to be sleeping on my own bed ALONE. For the past few weeks, it's either Jerry crashing over here or me crashing at his place... Lol, I'm going to be sleeping on this bed today, and feeling...a bit empty lol. I wonder how he feels. We see each other everyday that I'm already so used to him. Although this is not a good thing to imagine, we once wondered how it would feel if we broke up. He would still allow me to crash over at his place....but then we wouldn't be seeing each other everyday anymore. He actually tried to imagine it, and then he just shuddered and said he doesn't even wanna imagine it.. AWWWW lol, I just get all sad imagining it. Why do girls have to be so emotional? Gosh.

Anyways, I'm not sleeping tonight. I'm gonna shower soon in like 10 minutes and then work on psych like no tomorrow (cuz there is no tomorrow due to the sleepover). I just really wanna get psych overwith, you have no idea.

Other than that, life has been...pretty enjoyable. Sometimes I wonder what would I be doing...if I didn't meet Jerry... I'd just be studying all the time, then hang out with friends but since we alll study allll the time, it's...kinda hard to see each other often. Waterloo is a hard life. So...I'm pretty happy with my life, although bad marks sometimes depress me, the people around me always cheer me up in the end, so I'm thankful for such awesome friends.

New Moon was awesome...better than Twilight. It was SO SAD, no offence, if Jerry wasn't sitting beside me making the sarcastic jokes (although funny), I would've teared...or maybe cried (if I really forced myself).

Anyways, I shall leave now, but before I go, I shall leave a gift behind.

Catherine Cho & Christine Lee - Capsule (original by SID)

-cath

Lost

Lost. I feel lost.

Why? Why have I lost myself again?

I made so many promises to myself before I came to uni. I promised that I would try to take care of myself better, study harder, participate in extra curriculars, not skip class, etc.

Though hugging Jerry does make me feel safe and loved, and make the problems go away...This is all temporary.

I've lost myself.

I skip too many classes...weeks. When was the last time I went to afm 101? Last week? Two weeks ago?

I joined so many clubs but didn't go to any of the events.

To an outsider, it just sounds like I have bad time management.

But the truth is, really...I've lost myself.

Perhaps it's because of my illness. My illness caused me to skip so many classes; I went through weeks of pain. I felt like shit. I missed Toronto, the safe and healthy haven of my Toronto home. I missed how quickly my family would come to my rescue when I was sick back then.

I feel like I have amnesia. I don't really remember anything. Now that I am FINALLY okay, not sick, and a bit healthier, it feels like I just awoke from a long horrible nightmare.

I feel disgusted at some of the things I did. How could I have skipped so many classes? How could I have wasted so much time? I slept so much trying to recuperate that it backfired and caused even more loads of work to pile up.

I want to wake up from this nightmare of a life. I didn't work hard enough for the afm 131 exam. It doesn't hurt for some reason, even though I know it SHOULD hurt. It's not like I could've done any better if I were to retake it. There was too little time. My sickness just drains my energy that even if I got 10 hours of sleep, I need to sleep more.

I spent the shittiest days of my life at Waterloo, and also the best.

I don't want to be lost in life anymore. It's not too late to keep trying.

Please God, I know I haven't been to church for years, but...listen to my plead because I don't know what I'm doing anymore.

What am I doing at Waterloo? I'm already zoning out in life that Jerry has to repeat his questions twice. Haha, if only my past could repeat twice.

- cath