Daydreaming is fun and all but when reality hits you in the face, you realize how unprepared you are.
I haven't updated for a long time, never had time to. I just want to put some thoughts down, move on with my life, until some other revelation comes to me.
Being back in school... does feel nice. Co-op was the best. It was fun, exciting, and I experienced so many things that I never thought I would be able to experience in 4 months. Employee departures, employee retirements, retirement parties, welcoming and farewell parties, but what amazed me the most was that I was surrounded by all these professionals. The place I worked at was so diverse, you have the Chinese, Indians, French, Philipino, African-American, everything. An equal disperse of minorities, until there is eventually no more minority. Just a rainbow of nationalities and cultures. The lunchroom would have different aromas everyday. Curry, soya sauce, sweet smells, and much more. All mixed together. People speaking their own languages over one another. It was truly an amazing experience.
But it was also intimidating. I remember, on the first day, I was already given real work. Serious stuff, stuff to do with the government, and if I don't get it right, I could leave a trail of questions for auditors to ask about. The pressure and intimidation came from the fact that, it wasn't an exam anymore. In exams, they give you hypothetical situations, such as problems where Person A made this much, what are the entries? Person A made this much, bought this and bought that, what's the taxes payable? If you answer correctly, you get marks, or part marks. In real life, you don't get marked. You get questions. How did you arrive to this? Where did you get that number? What methods did you use? Did you check? That type of pressure gave me adrenaline, motivation, but the strongest emotion of all was importance. I felt important, felt that people were depending on me, and when I saw how busy my department was, I felt grateful that I made their lives just a bit easier. Sometimes I focused too much on the money issue, while managers have to answer audit queries or else hundreds of thousands of dollars is on the line, I am just focused on the little companies, where some might not even make hundreds of thousands. But as I learned, people do come to me and ask for help. I am not just a student. Perhaps maybe it was because I was too into the Chinese way of thinking, where Chinese parents would always say, children shouldn't interfere with adult business. But when I went in there, people encouraged me. People taught me not to think of it that way. Canada is a country where each person has autonomy. I can think like that at home, but at the workplace, I am an equal contributer.
At the same time, I kept on thinking about school. At first, I was like ew PD, no I am doing REAL stuff now, don't wanna do school reports anymore... but during the last few weeks, I was glad to be coming back to school. That was the real life. In the end, I am still a student. I was surrounded by CAs, CMAs, CPAs, CGAs, IT people with knowledge and experience from all over the globe, and I chatted with directors, VP of the continent...and much more. I was living in my daydream, I felt like I made it, I am finally grown up. Yet, as I worked there, I realized I was far off. Right now, I can never help the company get savings of hundreds of thousands. I have helped others do that, but I can never actually do it myself. My parents were right, sometimes children shouldn't get involved in adult stuff.
I am not running away, but just understanding my place. Understanding that, I am still a student, and I am still not ready. I made a promise to myself during my last week. It was like a mantra that I chanted to myself everyday since my senior years in high school, but working at such a wonderful company made me envision myself. I promised to myself that I will work harder, will be stronger, will be braver/confident, and most of all, will become a CA. Money is not my motivator but my manager, a CA, told me, "Catherine, when you become a CA, you write your own cheques." and the VP, during my last encounter with him, shook my hand and said to me, "When you graduate, call me(us)." Wow. It's not that I think CA is most powerful position in the world, but working with so many people who have designations in all three accounting levels, it was such a powerful motivator. It was like an example of what my life could be in the future. I don't have to be a manager, or VP, or President, or whatever. Currently, I am just taking whatever life throws at me, no matter how hard it is, (with some exceptions of course...)
I will be stronger.
I wish everyone the same as well. I bet everyone has had experiences like this as well - a moment when you felt proud of yourself - when daydreams meet reality. (Of course, then you have to go back to school and daydream all over again...unless there are people who already graduated reading this post)
I know a lot of people are on co-op or on break right now, and I wish them the best of luck. To not be afraid, intimidated or anything. It's okay to feel afraid/nervous/intimidated but use that as motivation and show who's boss. Anyone can learn anything, given the dedication and time. I hated tax with a passion but now I am in between being okay with it and liking it. I don't want to say I love tax because I know what I was doing was just the tip of the iceberg.
Well, exam tomorrow. Night.
-Catherine
